Top 10 Things To Do Before You File For Divorce

June 30th, 2009

1. Retain an Experienced Family Law Attorney

2. Develop a Divorce Strategy

3. Analyze your Financial Position to Determine if your Spouse can disappear with the bulk of your marital assets

4. Copy all Important Financial Documents and Store Offsite (Out of Marital Home)

5. Record Contents of Home using a camera or videocamera (if available)

6. Consider Discontinuing Services such as Cable TV, Cellphone and extra insurance

7. Consider Discontinuing Contributions to Retirement Accounts

8. Safeguard Valuables (Antiques, Heirlooms, Jewelry, etc.) in a secure location

9. Open a new checking and savings account in your name alone

10. Open a Post Office Box in your name alone

Barry Lewis, Attorney at Law - Divorce Lawyer Massachusetts - http://www.DivorceLawyerMa.com

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Communicating with your Ex (or soon to be Ex)

June 25th, 2009

If you have decided to end your relationship, you need to decide how and when you will communicate with your Ex. If you are having difficulty “letting go”, it is very important that you minimize your contacts with your Ex. If you have children together, you will probably need to maintain some degree of communication. Child psychology experts are in agreement that it is detrimental to children to “put them in the middle” of such communications either by giving them personal messages or by using them to deliver letters, notes, etc.

Before the internet age, parties were forced to either send a letter or communicate by phone. Today, E-Mail is highly preferred in situations where the parties are communicating poorly. E-Mail has several advantages to telephone or written communications: It is quick, self documenting (although you may have problems getting E-Mail admitted as written evidence in court proceedings) and the communication can be re-edited multiple times to remove anything that is overly emotional or incendiary.

Therefore, while telephone contact still has the advantage of immediacy and letters have the advantage of being permanent, I highly recommend communicating by E-Mail in difficult situations.

Barry Lewis, Attorney at Law - Divorce Lawyer Massachusetts - http://www.DivorceLawyerMa.com

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Family Law - Definition

June 21st, 2009

Family Law is generally utilized to describe a branch of the law devoted to Domestic Relations. It includes Divorce, Separate Support (Legal Separation) , Paternity (unwed parents), Guardianships & Adoption. Although the federal government and Supreme Court have slowly made some encroachments in this area, individual state law has historically governed the field of domestic relations. Laws, administrative procedures and legal standards vary according to state. Almost all familly law cases are initially brought in the particular state court designated to decide such issues.

Barry Lewis, Attorney at Law - Divorce Lawyer Massachusetts - http://www.DivorceLawyerMa.com

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How do I Protect Myself from my Abusive Spouse? - Restraining Orders

June 20th, 2009

It is common for the Courts to issue domestic relations restraining orders to protect parties in divorce and family law cases. Many attorneys and judges feel that they are often given out too easily in these types of situations. However, it is important to remember that the breakup of families is very stressful and emotional. This can often lead to physical violence. Every experienced family law attorney has a horror story to tell and the media is full of stories about people who have been harmed or even murdered in these situations. Therefore, judges tend to err on the side of caution when deciding on whether to issue a domestic relations restraining order.

The standard for obtaining a restraining order may differ slightly from jurisdiction to jurisdiction. But it usually involves some fear of imminent potential danger or harm to the party asking for the order. This party should be able to describe specific threats and/or past incidents of violence. Although the Courts are supposed to act in a gender neutral manner, it is much more common to see restraining orders issued against men than women. The actual restraining order itself usually bars or sets limits on contact between the parties and/or their children. If the defendant violates the restraining order, they are subject to criminal penalties and incarceration. The Courts take these violations very seriously and many people have been incarcerated for even minor violations.

If you have a real fear of potential physical harm being perpetrated on you by your spouse or domestic partner, it is very important that you petition the Court for a restraining order to protect you and/or your children. You should also develop a safety plan to protect yourself. The police will serve the restraining order. But they usually won’t station an officer at your residence. In extreme situations, you may need to hide or even relocate to avoid the abusive party.

Barry Lewis, Attorney at Law - Divorce Lawyer Massachusetts - http://www.DivorceLawyerMa.com

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Why Hiring a Divorced Family Law Attorney may be a Very Bad Idea

June 20th, 2009

A Family law attorney who has been divorced may be a bad choice to represent you. Lawyers are human beings. Unfortunately, the experience of getting divorced often leaves one with emotional baggage. An attorney who has been divorced will have a difficult time being impartial and objective. They will tend to go to extremes in divorce cases that they handle depending upon the sex of the party that they are representing. They may be overcombative when representing a party of the same sex and have a slanted viewpoint when representing a party of the other sex. When you are getting divorced, you deserve an experienced family law attorney that can represent your best interests and one that doesn’t have any hidden agendas.

Barry Lewis, Attorney at Law - Divorce Lawyer Massachusetts - http://www.DivorceLawyerMa.com

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Assertive, Aggressive or Just Plain Fighting About Everything - Where do You and Your Attorney Fall in the Spectrum?

June 9th, 2009

There is a fine line in divorce and family law between assertively pressing your case, being aggressive and literally fighting about each and every issue all the time. Recently, I was asked by a family member to refer her to a good divorce attorney (both parties were  too close personally to represent her myself). I considered several colleagues who are very competent, but settled on giving her the names of two lawyers  in particular. In discussing these choices with the  family member, I told her that in my opinion there’s a fine line between  assertively and aggressively representing  a client and being so obnoxious and aggressive that an attorney only makes the situation worse for the client and the family.  In any particular case, this line can be easily crossed. I thought these two individuals wouldn’t back down, but they also weren’t likely to create conflicts unnecessarily.

Unfortunately, there are many over aggressive lawyers and some members of the public think this is a great thing.  The reality of the situation is that most family law and/or divorce cases settle in the end and only a small percentage go to trial. If there are children involved, the parties almost always will have to maintain some type of working relationship after the litigation.  In many areas of family law, there is room for win-win arrangements  that accrue to the benefit of both parties. If the attorneys are constantly battling and fail to really communicate the opportunities for these arrangements are lost.

If the matter does go to trial, there are usually limited areas of disagreement and it is also helpful if the parties can agree on some issues if only for the reason of limiting costs.

Some attorneys promote the image of being “aggressive” - which often means they are looking to run up a bill and  usually leave their clients angry and  their families and children in ongoing turmoil. No matter how angry or upset you are with your spouse, don’t make the mistake of hiring such an attorney.

This is not to say that your attorney  should be  a passive wallflower. But, you should always keep in mind that there is a fine line and that your attorney’s job is to do what’s best for you the client.  A good family law attorney willl be  assertive and aggressive in representing your interests , but  will choose his  (and your) battles wisely.

Barry Lewis, Attorney at Law - Divorce Lawyer Massachusetts - http://www.DivorceLawyerMa.com

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Do You Have a Strategy?

June 8th, 2009

Every family law case should begin with a strategy. An experienced family law/divorce attorney will listen carefully and work with you to develop and implement a strategy that takes into account  the current situation, your goals and objectives, information about your spouse and the realities of the court in which your case will be heard.  Are you on the offense or defense?  Should you be the first to file or should you let your spouse make the first move?   Should you push hard for a negotiated settlement? Or leave matters for the Judge to decide? 

 Beware of any attorney that has a one size fits all answer - such as “always be the first to file beacuse you  are the plaintiff and present your case first” or that “you should surprise and intimidate the other party”.  

Cases are different and what may be a successful strategy in one situation could be a disaster in the next.  A good family law attorney will move the case in the right direction for you!

Barry Lewis, Attorney at Law - Divorce Lawyer Massachusetts - http://www.DivorceLawyerMa.com

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How Do I Select a Family Law Attorney?

June 3rd, 2009

Anybody can bring their family law case to so and so’s friend, uncle etc.  Many attorneys will take an occasional family case to earn a few extra dollars, thinking that the client might bring them a lucrative personal injury or estate planning  case in the future. To select an appropriate family law attorney you need to determine if he/she is competent to handle the specific law case and whether they are comfortable communicating with the attorney.

To determine whether the attorney is competent ask the following questions:

1) How long has the attorney been in practice?

2) Does the attorney specialize in family law? What percentage of the attorney’s practice is composed of divorce and family law cases?

3) Does the attorney regularly practice in the specific court where your case will be heard - A good way to test this is to ask them to name the specific judges who sit at that court and to have them tell you a little about their tendencies - who do they think would be the best judge for someone in your situation?  the worst? why?

4)  Has the attorney handled enough cases that they can lay out a general strategy for a case like yours in the first meeting  (don’t kid yourself - your case usually isn’t that unique)? And  what level of detail can they can give you as to how  the case  will probably proceed?

5) Does the attorney have specific suggestions as to what you should do now? What are the reasons behind these suggestions and do they make sense?

6) Is the attorney willing to discuss a general range of fees and costs, his/her hourly rate and other details of the expenses and costs involved with you case?

Even if an attorney is competent to handle your case, they might not be appropriate if you can’t effectively communicate with them.

1) Is the attorney readily available to schedule an initial appointment?

2) Does the attorney follow up that appointment with a call, message etc.?

3) Does the attorney return your calls in a timely manner?

4) Do you feel comfortable speaking with the attorney?  Do you feel the attorney is being honest and forthright with you? Does he really seem to care about your situation, or  are you just another client?

5) Do you feel that this person has your best interests truly in mind and is this someone who  will tell you the truth - even if it’s something that you don’t want to hear?

6) Do you have or do you think you can develop a good rapport with this  attorney?

Barry Lewis, Attorney at Law - Divorce Lawyer Massachusetts - http://www.DivorceLawyerMa.com

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The Psychology (Normal) of the Divorce Process

June 3rd, 2009

I have observed the following about the psyschological stages of the divorce process. I believe that the typical party to a divorce  usually goes through three distinct psychological stages during the process of Divorce. For want of a better alternative, I’ll describe them as follows:

1) Denial

2) Anger

3)  Resignation or Acceptance

For the average party, the first two stages might typically  last from 1-2 weeks up to 3-4 months.  However, what is really important to note is that spouses are often in completely different stages of this process. For instance, the Husband might have determined the marriage is over and has decided to move on  (Resignation or Acceptance), while the Wife is still in Denial that the marriage is over and is trying to maintain (or rehabilitate) the marital relationship. This situation can be fraught with danger for the spouse in denial as the other party anticipates, plans for and takes active steps to improve his strategic position for the upcoming divorce proceedings.  For the party that has decided to move on, the situation can often be frustrating as they attempt to dialogue or negotiate with the spouse who is in denial or just plain angry.

As divorcing is usually something akin to doing a business deal, there is often a great deal of frustration as one party attempts to deal with the situation in a constructive businesslike manner while for the other spouse the process is all about where they are emotionally and psychologically (in denial or anger).  The saving grace here is that the legal process itself may move slowly and the spouse who is in one of the first two stages will usually come to acceptance as the matter moves to closure in the courts.

Barry Lewis, Attorney at Law - Divorce Lawyer Massachusetts - http://www.DivorceLawyerMa.com

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The Most Common Mistake in Family Law

June 1st, 2009

Q: What is the most common mistake that is made  in family law cases? 

 A: Parties become so emotionally involved that they fail to act calmly and rationally.  These cases, by their very nature, are stressful. If a party can’t handle that stress, they are at a disadvantage and  will frequently sabotage their own case!   In practice, there are many different ways that this will manifest itself.

Some of the the most common instances of this include:

1) An overwhelming need for a “quick” resolution - even if it doesn’t make sense for the party or the family;

2) An unwillingness to comply with orders of  the Court - which almost always creates greater difficulties for the party;

3) The hiring-firing of multiple lawyers and/or the unwillingness to really listen to and implement the advice of counsel;

4)  Acting rashly and impulsively and taking major actions without consulting with counsel.

An experienced family law attorney will understand that these are stressful times for his/her client and will try to keep clients calm or recommend therapeutic help when appropriate. Parties who find themselves overwhelmed by the process may need to seek professional counseling.

There is an old saying in the family law profession:  ”In criminal cases you have bad people on their best behavior and in divorce cases you have good people on their worst behavior” 

Parties need to understand that emotional behavior is not the  path to the successful resolution of a family law matter.

Barry Lewis, Attorney at Law - Divorce Lawyer Massachusetts - http://www.DivorceLawyerMa.com

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